


Half Full

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Also virgil is mean at one part but hes just overprotective, As in janus has done some sketch stuff but hes learning, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Swearing, This reads as anti roceit if u get what i mean, no ones unsympathetic but they sure have flaws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26012203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Oh,” Patton uttered, gaze flicking to the other side. His face didn’t gain any clarity of expression. He just started putting away the wine and finished off his glass, making moves to leave. “Sorry.”•••Patton and Janus have a series of emotional discussions.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 25
Kudos: 115





	Half Full

**Author's Note:**

> Ahah im not a writer but here we are. This is highkey ooc but i thought this characterization would be neat

Finding the moral side crying in the middle of the night was, all things considered, not too surprising. After all, Janus knew every time Patton lied about his happiness. However, he had suspected to find him with loud, messy sobs. With a tin of cookies almost finished. Not with a bottle of wine and a blank, tear-tracked face.

He didn’t even seem to notice Janus’ entrance until he cleared his throat.

“Oh,” Patton uttered, gaze flicking to the other side. His face didn’t gain any clarity of expression. He just started putting away the wine and finished off his glass, making moves to leave. “Sorry.”

Janus took a moment to hide his shock at the scene, and at Patton’s reaction to him. (What, had he thought the moral side would come running into his arms for comfort? He was being ridiculous.)

“Give that here, you imbecile,” Janus said, taking the bottle from Patton’s hands and pouring himself a glass. There was no bite behind his words, at least not in a meaningful way. He’d lost his edge. “So, you’re just up for fun, I assume?”

“Hm,” Patton failed to respond. “Are you going to stay up?”

“I’m sure I’ll be back to bed in a moment.”

“That sounds like a lie.”

“How out-of-character that would be for me,” Janus smiled.

Patton half-smiled back. “You wanna watch something?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“A documentary on Greek philosophers.”

Janus frowned at the dry film Patton pulled up. “You think you’ll enjoy this?”

“I think it’ll be boring as fuck,” he said, casually. Janus turned to him in mild shock, while he simply yawned. “But Logan wanted me to watch it. Maybe it’ll be more interesting with you.”

Janus nodded, careful to hide his smile behind his glass.

***

The movie was, as Patton had so eloquently predicted, boring as fuck. Also, quite hazy by the end, due to all the wine. They had been quiet near the beginning, but by the end they were talking over everything in hushed whispers and even a laugh from Patton, every so often.

The next day, when Janus walked in on breakfast, he swore Patton’s smile changed. From a brittle, stiff form--forced in the tense atmosphere--to something more relaxed. Relieved.

“Oh, hiya, Janus! There’s a seat here if you wanna stay,” Patton patted the chair beside him.

Janus stayed.

***

“...Janus is right.”

“Of course,” Virgil scoffed.

It was the first whole group discussion they’d had since the… wedding fiasco. And while Virgil didn’t seem surprised by Patton’s words, Janus most certainly was.

“Obviously, I am. I _knew you_ would agree, Patton,” Janus lied.

Patton was too preoccupied to do anymore than hum at Janus’ statement, all concerned glances over at Roman. _Ugh, Roman._ Still all mopey after the last video, he was currently staring determinedly at the floor. Him and Patton should have let all of that go by now--the past was the past. Hadn’t they learnt about moving on?

“Are you sure, Patton?” Thomas asked. “I’ve always gone to this event before. And, I’ve always made it through--”

Patton shook his head. “You know there will be family members there who don’t respect you. And who _choose_ not to learn. I know I’ve always been the one to say they deserve your love anyway, but… I don’t know if they do.”

All of the sides stood in shock for a moment. Janus schooled away a proud look. 

Logan was the first to speak, slowly nodding. “...Yes, well, Patton does bring up an interesting point. Thomas, you tend to give people the ‘benefit-of-the-doubt’, which can be a good thing, and has led to you improving relationships in the past. However, if the other people are actively refusing to learn, no progress can ever be made. And so the effort would be for naught.”

In no time flat, Thomas was coming to his big realization about not owing certain people certain things _, yada yada yada_ , doing the outro, _yada yada yada_. Janus was about to sink out, with that new, odd, and decidedly wonderful vindication that he was _right_ , when--

“Deceit, wait.”

Janus sighed, audibly, and made sure to put on his most sardonic smile. “Yes, Virgil?”

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific, dear.”

“Don’t--” Virgil grit his teeth and huffed out a breath. “With Patton, I mean.”

“Hm. Really, Virgil, I wish I knew what you were referring to, but--”

“Oh, cut the bullshit!” He finally snapped. “I don’t know what you’ve been playing at with him, if you think you really like him, but you’re just gonna do to him what you did to Roman.” 

Janus cringed at that, though he tried not to. Virgil knew just how to get to him. “Well. Thank you for this conversation, Virgil. I’ll be considering it _deeply_ ,” he said sarcastically, before sinking out. Though, it wasn’t as much of a lie as he would have liked.

***

“Janus? What are you doing?”

Patton had found him pacing around the living room. And he hadn’t even had enough time to mask his aggravated expression when the moral side entered.

“Dishes,” he replied sourly.

“Right,” Patton said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ve used that one enough to see through it.” He joked, smiling bittersweetly. It was such a sincere look he was giving, so ready to comfort. Janus wasn’t used to it. Whether the ‘it’ was sincerity or comfort he couldn’t say.

“It’s just--I don’t see why I should have to apologize to _him_ ,” Janus spat out.

Patton came over to the couch, motioning for Janus to join him. He did.

“Virgil?” Patton asked. Janus looked away. “...Ah. Roman.”

“He shouldn't have laughed at my name!”

“Yes,” Patton nodded slowly. “We've all done things we shouldn’t’ve.”

“...Are you implying something?”

Patton raised a brow. “Calling two sides evil for the price of one?”

“Oh, please,” Janus scoffed. “You’ve always thought Remus was evil.”

“...Yes. And I’m learning why that’s wrong,” he admitted.

That gave Janus a pause, but he quickly disregarded his surprise. “Well, I already reminded you, Roman started it.”

“No, he didn’t.” Patton looked away. He took a deep breath in, silent for a beat too long. “...I did. A long time ago.”

Janus narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I told him he was dishonorable to side with you. That treating you as more than a villain was evil.” Each word sounded like it pained him. Each a confession, although Janus had been witness to all of it. “It’s all always been my fault.” Tears silently began to fall down his cheeks. He blinked, as if to somehow subtly dispel them, but they only fell harder. 

And, oh.

Oh no.

Janus really didn’t want to do this next part.

It would be so easy to let Patton believe that. He could even comfort the side, tell him he was forgiven, help him through--all without revealing anything. 

Save himself. It was what he was built for.

“Patton… it wasn’t all your fault, per say.” Patton glanced up at him, confused, and it was his turn to look away. “I quite blatantly flattered Roman. I manipulated him, used him--whatever you want to call it. All because I wanted his favor in... that case.”

“Well, I already knew--”

“Except, it wasn’t just that case,” Janus rushed out before he could lose his nerve. “It started when I first revealed myself to Thomas, remember? Really, I just wanted to test the waters, at first. See what I could get away with, and who I could get away with it with.”

Patton had a blank look as he sorted through his memory. “ ‘ _Love_ the outfit, Roman,’” he finally quoted.

“...Indeed,” Janus sighed. “It became clear that Roman would be the easiest to get to. Which makes sense from his need-of-praise mixed with lack-of-praise. And he _is_ the romantic side. And I just knew, one day it would be useful if he was…somewhat biased, so if…”

“If you and him were a little… friendly?” Patton finished, sadly. Disappointedly. 

Janus nodded. Then, quickly, he rushed to add, “I mean, nothing _that_ bad! I didn’t _kiss_ him. We were never _dating_. I just may have implied--”

Patton’s face changed from disappointed, then. To something else. Something worse.“Right. No. Of course,” Patton said. “Not that bad _at all_.”

That lie from Patton’s tongue ached in Janus’s chest for the rest of the day.

***

Remus wasn’t in their side of the mindscape when Janus returned to it. Which he didn’t make too much of, sulking around and rewatching Good Place episodes, until Remus skipped in covered in… blood? No. Much more unusual--red paint.

“What have you been up to then, hm?” Janus asked, as polite as he was disinterested.

“Painting with Pat! Drawing with Daddy! Look!” He shoved a messy, still drying canvas in Janus’s arms. It was a finger painting of mutilated arm, rather tame for him, but perhaps that was because he made it with--

“ _Patton_?”

“That’s what I said! Geez, who stole your ears? Oh, wait, was it me? That sounds like me. But, of course, it doesn’t _sound_ like anything to you!” He cackled.

“I still have my ears, you gremlin,” he hissed. “But you’re right, there’s _nothing_ for me to be surprised about, since you and Patton are on such _great_ terms.”

“Exactly!” Remus confirmed. “Wow, you heard about it quick, JJ! It was just this afternoon, he came up with those pouty puppy eyes, gushing apologies, asking me to be his _wittle fwiend_ ~” he batted his eyelashes mockingly. Heat rose in Janus’s chest at that, and he almost lept to defend Patton, embarrassingly, but luckily Remus continued before he could. 

“Which, was kinda stupid; guy made it sound like he had committed war crimes against me or some shit. Like, yeah, dude was a dick to me; I was a dick to him. That was meant to be our whole dynamic! Now whenever I scare him--what?--I’ll feel _guilty_ , who wants that?! I liked being enemies. But maybe I’ll like being friends more.” He shrugged. “Time will tell, right? That’s a great idea, actually. I’m gonna go make some clocks that just scream every hour. Oo, or every minute! Yeah, that. Seeya, Janny Fanny!”

Janus gaped, left uncomprehending, while Remus sped off.

He tried to imagine it--Remus. With Patton. Chatting, smiling, joking. Remus would, of course, be able to bring much more reckless fun to the father figure than he might otherwise go for. Patton might enjoy some of Remus’s more childish humor. In an odd, backwards way they made a sort of sense.

The image made Janus’s blood boil. He _should_ have been pleased for them. He _knew_ that, but it didn’t help. And--what? Had Janus thought he was special? Fancied himself the singular, blessed demon chosen by an angel? Patton’s new bestest buddy?

No. He should’ve known that was never on the table. As it turned out, Patton was simply being polite to _everyone_ now. That didn’t mean Janus had changed in his mind. It didn’t mean Janus had changed at all.

He was a villain. He had been going about this all wrong, trying to be more than he was made for. He needed to remember that.

***

“How the tables table, huh?”

“That _is_ how the phrase goes,” Janus remarked dryly as Patton took a seat by him. Janus offered him the wine bottle, but he put a hand up and shook his head. 

“Well, at least I’m not crying,” Janus sneered. 

“No, wouldn’t want to ruin your dignity like me, right?” Patton half-joked. Half-joke, half-smile, half-truth. Nothing Patton did went full way. “Wanna talk about it?”

Janus scoffed, and went back to nursing his drink.

“Right,” Patton frowned. “Listen--Janus, I wanted to apologize. ...Again,” he added, with a half-laugh. Half-laugh, half-hurt. Whatever. “I shouldn’t have gotten so judgmental earlier. Morality and judgement tend to go hand in hand, even when they shouldn’t. And I got defensive on Roman’s behalf too,” he admitted. Janus grit his teeth, glaring at the wooden counter. _Defensive over Roman. Friends with Remus._ “Look--I’ve done bad stuff too. I had no place to judge you now, when it’s clear you _have now_ learned.”

Janus laughed, suddenly, bitterly, at that. “Oh, have I, now?” 

Patton blinked, tilting his head. “...Yes?”

Janus rolled his eyes, and downed the end of his glass. “Listen, _Morality_ , I’m not like you. I don’t need to go on some learning spree, down the path of beautiful ethics and self-improvement. I’m not meant to be a little, lovely side. Maybe learning my name made you forget; I’m _Deceit_.You heard Thomas yourself--I’m a _flaw_. So, I don’t _do_ guilt. I don’t _plan_ on too much learning. And I definitely won’t be spewing out _apologies_ , like some sides I know,” he bit out each word. He wanted to make Patton leave. Maybe cry. Make him realize what Janus really was. But he just sat there with that stupid, sincere, concerned gaze.

“I’m not _built_ for it!” Janus continued, growing more frantic at the lack of reaction. “...I _can’t_.”

Janus shoved his hand to his mouth in an attempt to cover the first sob, but it was too late. Soon his shoulders were shaking, his head in his hands, breaths unsteady. There were warm arms around his back, pulling him against a cardigan-clad chest, soothing whispers in his ears. He realized his hat had been taken off as he felt fingers run through his hair. 

“Janus,” Patton began softly, moving back slightly so that Janus could meet his eyes. “That sounded like a lot of lies to me.”

Janus shook his head firmly, fumbling to pull his gloves off and put his hands up. “Patton, I swear, that is the _truth_!”

Patton looked at him for a long moment. Then, he reached his hands out, and slowly took Janus’s. Janus let him. “You can lie to _yourself_ , you know,” he said softly.

Janus’s eyes burned, and he had to force himself not to spill over the edge again. He was hyper-aware of their contact, now. The warmth of Patton’s skin against his was intoxicating.

Patton looked down at their hands too. He squeezed them lightly, a 3 beat pattern. “They’re so cold,” he frowned.

“Are they, now?” Janus aimed for sarcastic, but it came out unsteady. 

“Mhm.”

They were quiet for a long time. Unmoving. As if a word, a breath, could break them apart. 

“I’ll apologize,” Janus said finally.

“To Roman?”

“...Yes,” Janus agreed. “And to you.”

“What for?”

Janus looked down at their intertwined hands, waited for Patton to follow his gaze. “The things I want.”

“Oh,” Patton breathed. He rubbed his thumb along the back of Janus’s hand. “I… don’t think the things we want are so different anymore.”

“Hm.” Janus let go of Patton’s grip, just for a moment, in order to pull the other closer. Patton melted in his grip immediately, head laying on his shoulder. Janus returned the embrace. “Maybe not.”


End file.
